My Korean

When I graduated eighth grade, my friend’s mother, who is a Korean tutor, gave me an hour long session as a present. It was “about time I learned Korean” since my father is Korean. I remember sitting at her plastic dining room table going over the vowels being told I was doing it wrong over and over again. “If you want to be a good Korean” kept echoing in my head for days after.

I never did get a second lesson from her, or from anyone else for that matter. But every now and then, someone puts two and two together when they learn my last name. “Kang. So how is your Korean?” This was an answer that took me forever to settle on, but now I simply smile and say, “Terrible.”

Usually when I was truthful, I would be told I should be ashamed, or I need to go to K-school, or my mother is failing at her responsibility of raising a good korean child (which is ironic seeing as how my mother is not Korean). Sometimes I would try to hide behind my (limited) knowledge of food, but my pronunciation would get me in trouble.

I did not grow up in a house that spoke korean. I did not grow up in a Korean Presbyterian church. I did not grow up celebrating August 15th. For me being Korean is not about being able to speak it. Language is part of culture, but no culture is just a language. It is not as Sid says in Seoul Searching, “being Korean means you have to be punished for not knowing what it means to be Korean.”

I was always told of the values of harmony and balance in Korean traditions growing up. My brother and I were appropriately named “seeker of peace” and “seeker of knowledge”, each a half of a greater whole. We, as imperfect beings, strive to discover that which the other was born with, so that we may grow and blossom. While I may lack knowledge of Korea and my Korean roots, I have found peace that I may never will. Even if I do learn, I will never experience it in the same way another Korean does. My experience is unique, and while many have and will tell me otherwise, it is also valid. My korean looks different from every other korean. And there is a beautiful peace in that.

Wes Elliot Kang